okay, so I'm not 155... I wasn't born in 1851, but rather I am in my mid-twenties. I live in the southeast US and don't really have a southern accent despite living here my entire life.
I'm agnostic. I used to be Christian, but then I studied some of the origins of early Christianity and other philosophies and religions and realized that there is no way that anyone could ever know for sure. I know, I know, Christians will tell you otherwise... but .. well, they're wrong. Other people also are certain that I'm wrong, but I'm not certain that they're right, so that leaves me on the doorstep of agnosticism.
I am not in any kind of romantic relationship. Actually, I just got out of one exactly one week ago. I wasn't really that upset because I kind of knew it was coming. We weren't very compatible.
I haven't been in love yet, but that's not to say that it won't happen.
I've been through a lot of tough crap. I was raped when I was 17 by my (now ex, obviously) boyfriend after a whole lifetime of other sexual abuses from random people. That led me to promiscuity which led me to therapy, which helped. Now I am emotionally well balanced, healthy and mostly free from issues.
Dark secret: I'm into D/s (S&M). No one really knows this because I can see how it could be misconstrued as tied to my past. It's not. I've dealt with all of that. Also, I come from a fundamentalist christian family.
They don't know I'm agnostic.
I want to be honest and true to myself, but I know the consequences of telling them and it's better for them not to know.
I have a college degree yet I work in retail. I'm going back to college.
I just bought my first car. That was an interesting experience.
Anyway, I've been in one D/s relationship and it was wonderful. I can't explain how it seemed to be exactly right. However, the man was too old for me (okay, by too old for me, I mean he was 30 years older than me and had kids my age) and so it didn't work out. The experience, however, was worth it.
I would love to have a relationship with a dominant man closer to my age, but I have no idea where to meet them or how to go about that.
So, here I am. Recently single and not who people think I am. This is a place for me to be myself because there is no judgement here.... because no one knows who I am.
2 comments:
Interesting blog you have, I am interested in the agnostic idea you have. What is it that you found that brought you to distance your self from christianity, if I may ask?
Serene,
It started in a class I was taking called origins of early Christian traditions. Before the bible was composed as the canon that people know it as today, there were so many other writings and gospels. Then, the council of nicea came together and picked the ones that would be the bible and said the others were heretical.
We learned how the texts they picked helped their agenda to shape cultures and societies and the ones that didn't were either destroyed or buried in the sand.
That was a big part of it.
Then, the other philosophy classes I took made me wonder why I was so sure that Christianity was the only way... I mean, I've heard other people in the faith speak of personal encounters with Jesus... but I never really felt or encountered anything. So, that led me to the conclusion of how can I possibly know that it was the one, real way?
I know what Christians are going to answer to this, about how you just know and Jesus is so real, but really... I don't know.
I'm sorry this was so long, but I hope it helps.
KC
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